Don’t allow your past experiences to shape your present or your future

 

A Pattern on Autopilot

Lately, I’ve been observing a strange pattern in myself. It happens like clockwork, almost on autopilot—I find myself pulled back into old pain, old memories, and trauma. Suddenly, I feel sad or helpless. It’s not just remembering what happened; it’s reliving it.
The difficult part? The person tied to that trauma is still in my life. I’ve tried again and again to create distance, to remove them from my world. But it hasn’t worked. So I had to accept something heavy: I have to live with this fact—and with this person.

For a while, I hoped things would change. That maybe, if we both tried, we wouldn’t repeat the same behavior and patterns that led to so much damage. But that hope fades when you see no willingness to grow or take responsibility from the other side. It’s incredibly hard to live with someone who stays the same while you’re trying to evolve.

The Past Is Not Me, But It Still Hurts

Through all of this, I came to an idea that I hold close now:
Don’t allow your past experiences to shape your present or your future.

Easy to say. So hard to live.
Because the truth is, even after surviving that dark phase—where I felt mentally broken, hopeless, lost—the emotional residue is still here. I lived through those days. I came out the other side. But the echoes still visit.

Everyone goes through painful chapters. Sometimes it’s not even about who was wrong or right. Sometimes, it’s just two people being fundamentally incompatible. Struggle becomes the by-product of that mismatch.

And my point isn’t to retell the trauma. My point is: it still affects my present.

The Inner Journey Begins

To deal with it, I’ve started walking inward. I practice mindfulness. I’m learning to understand myself, people, and life in a deeper way.

I’ve learned to say “no.”
I’ve learned to choose myself over others.
I no longer need validation. I don’t define myself based on other people’s opinions.
People love you as long as you meet their needs. The moment you don’t, they move on. Sometimes they mock, criticize, or even abuse you—using the mask of morality (which often feels like a scam in Indian society).

That dark phase cracked something open in me. It stripped away who I was pretending to be and gave birth to something more real. Something that feels more me. For that, I am grateful. But scars remain. And they still get triggered—especially by the same people who helped cause them.

When expectations are placed on me by those who hurt me, I feel that same pain all over again.
I’m working on it. But it’s a process.

Desire, Loneliness & Being Human

The past has changed how I view relationships, trust, and people.
I still live in a human body. I still have human needs—for love, emotional and physical intimacy. I know these are just passing waves in the mind. I know I don't have to act on them. But they still shake me when they come.

This journey inward has given me something powerful: direction. A deeper connection with my own existence.
But I won’t lie—being human is messy. I’m still learning how to sit with desires without being ruled by them.

Don’t Let the Past Define You

We all have our own experiences. What matters is not to let your past define your identity. It’s okay to feel pain. It’s okay to be triggered sometimes. But don’t let those feelings make you feel guilty or unworthy.

Healing is slow. It happens layer by layer.
We must accept what happened, without denial—but also without letting it write our future.
We work on ourselves. We grow. We evolve. And that’s enough.

Life Beyond the Framework

This journey inward opens a part of life that most people never touch. Some read about it in books or talk about it in spiritual language—but few live it.
When you start exploring your inner world, something amazing happens: You stop living by default. You start creating.

You begin to see that you weren’t born just to consume and produce.
You weren’t born just to go to school, get a job, get married, raise children, and die serving everyone else’s dreams while losing your own.

You were born to wake up.
To question.
To feel.
To live a life that’s yours, even if no one understands it.

This is my journey. I’m still on it.
I still feel pain, confusion, desire, hope, rage, sadness.
But I also feel strength, awareness, clarity, and freedom.
The past may visit, but it doesn’t get to stay.
I’m not who I was.
I’m becoming someone new.